3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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