I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize