So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
