We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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