Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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