i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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