No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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