I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need to calm my uterus...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
