We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
