I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
