We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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