Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
