I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
