I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
