the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's like iHOP with fire
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
