I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
