im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
