please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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