Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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