Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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