I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
