Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
