I need help removing her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
