When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
