textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
