They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
