You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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