I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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