I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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