I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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