I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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