Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
