so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
