I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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