My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
