my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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