The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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