You work out of a Hotel?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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