my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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