Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You're like the curious george of whores
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
