I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i believe in u and ur pee
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
