um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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