I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
time to smoke my breakfast
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
