highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
