I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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