you traded sex for a burrito?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
