She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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