absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
