You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
