Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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