I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
