Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
