I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who died my cat blue again?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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