So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
