I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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