I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
