Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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