what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
