There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
