I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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