Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize