Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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