Duck Duck Cougar?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
